Prayers & Bribes

While doing school one day, Peter lost his eraser. As soon as he realized it was missing, he asked to pray. We prayed, looked, didn't find it, but continued with school. After school, he asked to pray again. We did (mom was praying silently in her head that we would find it also) and then we found it! Peter immediately broke out in singing "Jesus Loves Me." I love it! He is seeing that God answers prayers and nothing is to small to pray about.

This morning I stayed in bed a bit long because I was not feeling 100%. Peter came in to ask what was wrong and he asked to pray for me. He then launched right into a prayer! I love that he knows already that you can go to God with anything.

Now onto the bribe...we are still having some issues with Peter not being nice to Abi, making ugly noises when we ask him to do something, and a few other things. Peter has been asking for a rip stick for quiet awhile. He's been saving for one but it will take him a while to get there. We made a deal with him that if he was nice for 14 days, mom and dad would pay for the rest of the rip stick. We made a sheet of paper to hang on the wall and will mark off each day. If he messes up, we will start over. We are hoping he sees the bigger picture in this which is that when we make the right choice, there is a reward. (Choosing Jesus gives you the best eternal reward!) We also want him to see that there is grace and forgiveness so that is why we are starting over if he messes up. We hope this leads to discussions that God does the same for us.

And then he prayed for good behavior!! Please pray for Peter as he launches on this journey to an obedient heart.

Some Peter Funnies

-Yesterday while stopped at a red light, Peter noticed a convertible and he loves convertibles. We were right next to her so he rolled down his window. Here is the conversation:
Peter: Hello. How are-a you?
Lady: Good
Peter: Cool. (while making car sounds and motions)
Mom: He thinks your car is cool. (sometimes a mom must interpret)
Lady: Thank you
Peter: You're a-welcome. Good bye
Lady: Good bye
We drove off. Andrew and Abi were mortified at first but by the end they couldn't stop laughing.

-Today we took the kids to a surprise. (To eat in Tyler and visit Fresh) We asked each of the kids to guess where we were going.
Andrew: Putt-Putt!
Abi: Movies-the $1 of course! (HA!)
Andrew: No, bowling!
Peter: Banana! 2 bananas! Gun machine! (this could be a computer, games, or Jamison) Hamburger!
 Guess who was right?! Random man!

-On the way home, Peter asked what we were doing tomorrow. We reminded him that it was church day (Bible) and then he said, "Tomorrow Bible, the next tomorrow school. Oh my goodness!" Andrew quickly said, "I feel you buddy." HA!

-While sitting at the computer dreaming about vacation Peter tooted twice. He told Abi two banana's so he had to toot twice. Not sure how the other 35 came out since he only had 2 bananas.

It has been neat to see how much Peter understands lately. He understood when we called my brother Christopher yesterday that when mommy counted down we were all going to sing Happy Birthday. He understood the guessing game today and actually guessed many more places (Chelsea's work, Meme's house, Ninin's house, (he quickly corrected himself and told himself no, after Bible tomorrow) Sam's house, Eric's house. gun machines, and Jamison's house) He is also saying "I like-a that" or "I love-a that" a lot. It's very cute when he does. His favorite saying is "Oh my goodness!"

Life is always interesting!

Happy Two Months Peter!!

Yikes! I was reading a fellow adoptive mom's blog and realized that it's been two months since Peter became a part of our forever family! Okay, maybe it was two months yesterday but my days seem to run together.

I cannot believe how far we have come. Most of the time it feels he has always been a part of our family and others, well, he will speak Chinese and I remember.

This is our first official day with Peter

 We were all a bit nervous and not sure what in the world this journey would be like. We are two months in and we still aren't sure! But it's worth it. Every fit, every ugly eye, every laugh, every communication problem, all of it, worth it! Now we have this silly, fun, dramatic boy that makes us laugh (and cry at times) and we can't imagine life without him!

I'm Spiderman! He tells me this several times a day.

Yep, he's an all American boy all right!

How can you not love this picture?! He will often greet me when I am on my last lap of walking the neighborhood. This is one of the mornings. So adorable!

Mommy's Heart

If you are a parent, you will know what I am writing about. If you are a mom, you will feel it in your gut. ;-) A mommy's heart hurts badly when her kids hurt. Even if the child has hurt you or disappointed you, you still hurt for them. It's part of the mommy-ness. It's especially hard when you cannot fix the hurt and/or know you do not need to fix the hurt because it will help the child grow or learn a lesson that God wants them to learn. Or they're an adult child. But that's a whole 'nother post!

It's very hard to be a kid and make friends. It's really hard to be a 10 yr. old Chinese boy trying to make friends in America. It's a blessing that we have incredible friends who have incredible kids but it's still hard. Peter had been looking very forward to something, actually twice, and was so sad and disappointed over the results. It was no ones fault but it hurt him so it hurt me. And because he is not sure how to process his emotions yet, he acted out. I tried to be considerate of this but I also cannot let him act this way. Yesterday was a very emotionally charged afternoon. When he acts this way, Abi takes it very personally, even if he is doing nothing to her, and tries to help. Peter does not want her help so she also gets hurt in the process. To say that this mom was a bit overwrought  by 4:00 yesterday is an understatement.

Yet God was still there. In the midst, I saw Him. I saw a big brother step up and play with him without being asked. I saw a big brother making sure that he was included even though he doesn't understand his new brother at times. I saw a husband step up and let me sit silently in the car and then listened when I was ready. I saw a big/same age sister still laughing at Peter as she watched him out of the corner of her eye. I saw this same sister helping him outside later with a swing. I had a friend be the arms of Jesus and hug me, even when she had no idea what was going on. This same friend made a delicious dinner and their family made me laugh often. I saw her boys make Peter feel welcome and having fun with him. I had another friend assure me that this will pass and he will be going out with friends before we know it. I saw two my kids cuddle up with their dog and bury their head in her because she offers comfort and no words. Sometimes we all need that, don't we?

God is still God, even in the midst of our struggles. We may have to look for Him but He's there. We have to look past the behavior at times in our new children (and our bio kids!)  and see what God sees; a broken, confused, lost lamb that is trying but fails. I know that's what God sees when He looks at me. And I hope that I can react to Peter (and our other children) just as Christ reacts to me; to pick them up gently, brush off the dirt and assure them in a loving voice that I am still here and I still love them, regardless of the behavior. Then help them to learn to to want to change that behavior in a positive way. Because that's what Christ does for all of us.

*A funny from Peter: Last night he was finally able to ride a 4-wheeler. He has wanted to ride one of these since the moment he saw one on the way home from Dallas. He was telling me about it last night and declared his bicycle is not cool anymore so he needs a 4-wheeler. Ha!

The Honest Truth

This is one of those posts that you wonder hmm..should I write it?  But I am committed to being truthful about the entire adoption process and this is part of it. And you know what? It's not even about Peter. It's about others...

Our family has an open policy at our house. We love to have visitors, host people and get togethers, and have the policy you do not have to call us to visit. We still have this policy but our life has changed a bit. We now have a new son. He's not a new baby. This is different. He has lived in a different culture for 10 years of his life, has spoken a different language, and has known a completely different way of life. Ten years. That's a lot of years. Now he's getting used to our way of life. It's not easy. Lots of voices give him a headache because it's chaos in his mind. He's not always sure how to play with other kids because it's a bit different. When he cannot communicate, he gets (understandably) frustrated.  Most importantly, he's trying to figure out what a family is and how we all fit together.

Some people do not get our new life. Some say it out loud and others just look at us weird. People do not understand why we do not have other people over all the time. To be honest, we've had people over more than we had anticipated at this point. It goes ok but when it's time for them to go, they need to go. Peter does not lose it or anything but he's ready for his family to be together again so he can try and communicate more. We do not attend all the functions anymore. It's easier to be home. We do not allow our kids to do everything they used to do. Right now we are focusing on being a family. They knew this going in so it's not like we sprang this on them when we came home. I cannot talk on the phone for long periods of time. If I do, there are constant interruptions. When we are out and about, people do not understand some of the choices that we make or the responses we give Peter. We get more of this than anything else. We want Peter to feel part of our conversations. Can you imagine sitting at a table for an hour and not understanding anything being said? You are basically ignored? What a horrible feeling! And people wonder why orphans are not always so eager to thank us for their new life. (rolls eyes)

So here are my honest, deep feelings on this subject...this is our life right now and I.Love.It. It's not always easy but I am soaking up every bit of it. I am experiencing sadness because I have not done this earlier. We now have boundaries. No means no. If I don't want to answer the phone, I do not. If we do not go, we do not go. It's all ok. We are making memories here. I may be cooking dinner and hear my kids singing worship songs together or watch two boys battle it out with Nerf swords in the living room. I have learned things are things are feelings are more important. Our extended family and friends are important but God has called us to focus on bonding right now. It's so hard when people look at you strangely because of how you are handling situations. Eric and I did a lot of research, read lots of books, and watched lots of seminars before we adopted. We are also living it out. So know that while you may not understand what we are doing, (and sometimes we do not even understand what we are doing)  we are trying to make the best choices for our family. I am not going to be the person who invites you to dinner all the time now or offers her house up to host the party. I am not going to be the first to offer to babysit your children and sometimes I may not even be the first person to call when you have a problem. It's not because I do not care. It's not that at all. When we talk, I cannot give you my full attention and I feel I have short changed you. Know that while we may not always talk, I am praying for you. That will never change.

We can tell when people worry about our other kids. Know what I say to that? Stop. They are good. They know they are loved and this has been one of the best things that has ever happened to them. It's stretching them in ways they could have never imagined and showing them how real God is. Thank you for asking about them but please do not express concern in front of them. You open up a door for them to be all about them. That's now how we are raising them. We spend hours talking to them about this and we are making sure we are aware of their feelings. If they express something to you, talk with them but please make sure you tell us. We do not ask you to stop asking about them but to not worry about them. There is a difference! One of the saddest things to me is that more people ask about A & A more than they ask about Peter. I get that you've known them longer. But know this..we are committed 100% to all four of our children. That has not changed. If anything, it's increased.

Please do not take offense to this post. This is not every single person that we know. And for those who are doing this, we know it's not intentional. This is a new situation. We are still getting used to it ourselves. Every question asked has not been asked with the intention to hurt. It was asked out of love and curiosity. That means a lot to us. This post is to help clarify why things have changed. And please do not stop asking how it's going. Just like any new parent, we love sharing stories! And we love sharing stories about how they are working on getting along! It's great to watch. I'm sure it's not easy when I may be venting about issues we are having on this journey to think that we are truly losing it and have no idea what we are doing. You are probably right! I open the door for a lot of the comments and questions I get. God is working with me on this! We are truly appreciative that so many of you care and that you even want to ask. We are thankful for each and every family member and friend we have. You made this new life possible. (with God leading of course!) The reality is always a bit different. It's not what everyone expects. But you know what? The reality is better. Not easier, but better. Adoption has been one of the greatest decisions our family has ever made.

Now I am off to listen to Peter talk about gun machines, to Andrew tell me about The Twilight Zone, and to hear why Abi's room is boring on Webkinz. Yep, I love my life!

Some Observations

On Friday evening, something happened that made me really think. The Raffray's blessed Abi with a Chinese soup for dinner. Blue and LJ brought it over. Peter was so excited to show him around the house. He even tried to translate for Blue. So cute! :-) He has never had anyone to show off his house to! Every one that comes over already knows our house very well. This was huge for Peter. So now I need to talk to our friends... ha!

Peter has never been her for a birthday. Abi's was the first one. He was so excited all week about it. When he woke up that morning, he poked Abi in the eye. :-/ Not what she was expecting. He had pinched her the night before. 2 things on this: Peter does not know how to handle all his emotions yet. When he gets to over stimulated, he will resort to hurting someone and yelling all the time. We also notice if we do the action back, pinch him, etc., he has no response whatsoever to the pain. His eyes glass over and he will even thank us. Hmm...We are not really sure what to do about this. I did tell him today if he hit Abi again, mommy gets his bike for the day. He was not happy about this. Maybe this will work? We will see...

Peter shared his emotions with me in a positive way!! This was huge considering what I just wrote about! Abi had a friend spend the night on Friday evening and he was sad that he did not have anyone to play with. He sat down and through his broken English and motions, described that he was very sad and everyone else was happy. We talked for awhile, talked with Andrew, and the boys ended up playing together!

One of biggest issues we are having right now is Andrew and Abi parenting Peter. Abi moms him and Andrew stays on top of him all the time. I talked to them a bit last night about trying to turn it into play and to also let the burden off their shoulder. It's not their burden to carry. They have the fun job! Today has been a bit better, with a few small reminders. We are very proud of how hard all of them are working on their sibling relationships. This is not easy but all of them are putting forth their best effort. I am also impressed with how they will come to us and talk about it. Please keep praying that happens!

We left the kids for the first time on Saturday! This was not all for us either. We wanted Peter to know mommy and daddy will come back. They stayed with meme and pop for 3.5 hours and he loved it! He was so excited all day. I finally had to leave some friends at our house and take them because he kept asking. We learned he loves matching games. We were thrilled with how much fun he had and that he enjoys staying with grandparents!

Speaking of grandparents, we are off to nini and papa's! More exciting news tomorrow!