Grief....

   Grief is a 5 letter word about loss which applies to so many different areas in life; loss of a loved one, loss of a job, loss of life as you know it, etc. Grief explains a feeling that seems to consume me lately.. Well, along with weary but that's another post for another day. :-)

   It has hit me lately that Peter was an orphan for 10 years. Ten years...That's a long time. Ten years of never knowing what a family really is, what true love is, or who Jesus is. He was taunted, teased, beat down by words, told he was not smart, and many other things that we can never imagine. I was raised in a divorced home but I always felt loved. I experienced a rough moment during my childhood but I had loving parents to get me through it. When things got rough for Peter, he had no one to turn to. Yes, there were adults there but they were to busy obeying the government and raising more kids. When he fell and scraped his knee, there was no one there to kiss it and tell him it would be all better. When a fellow student was mean to him, he had no daddy to teach him how to stand up for himself. All he could do was be in survival mode, never expressing how he felt because people may make fun of him and never putting down his defenses because you cannot be weak in this environment. Ten years of this....

   But the saddest of it all..he didn't even have Jesus to turn to. According to Chinese law, you are not allowed to talk to children under the age of 18 about Christ. You can be the hands and feet of Jesus (Thank you BMH!) and kids can ask you but you cannot initiate the conversation. Peter had no idea that His Creator loved him so much that He made him, died for him, rose for him, and is eagerly anticipating his return to Heaven. What a sad situation! Jesus is the only One who gets me through life. I have no idea what I would do without Him. I am getting a glimpse of the emptiness and confusion I would have if I had to endure this through Peter.

   I am grieved by the fact that this sweet boy knew none of this. I am grieved by the fact that Peter has to learn what a family is and that we will always love him. I am grieved by the fact hat he's never had friends who like him for him. I am grieved by the fact that there are so many more children over there just like Peter who will never have what he now has.

   This is new for all of us. Yes, Eric, Andrew, Abi and I are experiencing some grief. But when I feel grief over the fact that my life is not so 'easy' now, I ask God to remind me of what Peter has gone through. Life is not supposed to be easy and all about me. That's not what the Bible promises.  What it does promise is that Our Savoir will be by our side throughout each moment. Our lives are supposed to bring Him glory and how can that happen when people only see a life of ease? So yes, life is pretty difficult right now. BUT what a joyous thing to see God at work. It's not always right away, it's not always when I think I need it but it's always at the right time, which is His time.

   I rejoice that Peter is able to experience a family and love now. But I look forward to the day when he receives Christ as his own so we can rejoice over the fact we will have eternity together with Christ! That is true joy!

*FYI..Peter talks daily about Jesus. There is much confusion for him on the subject of Christ. He does not understand Who God is. He does not understand why he's just now hearing about this and questions it a lot. I have told him that it's ok not to have Jesus in his heart right now because he is trying to figure out who Jesus is but one day Jesus will come and knock on his heart and whisper the sacred question.."May I enter?" And that's when it will really matter..